Bonjoir, mon amis. You may have noticed that I have not been writing as much as is usual for one such as me. The reason, I’m afraid, is that I have succumb to typical frenchman’s disease – severe depression and ennui.
What is the cause of this lack of energy? Well…this year is the reason. For one who desires to move constantly, who cannot be tied down to one location, this year has been especially hard. I have gotten into many physical altercations with gorilla goons posing as border enforcement, some of which have ended in brief incarceration.
So what do I do instead of moving around globe, visiting sites of ancient power and feeding off their energies? I mope. I mope and trounce around my southern California estate, calling associates and employees and berating them for one thing or another. Even my abuse has become listless, as my employees frequently ask, “is that it, sir? Is everything OK?” at the end of my usual tirades.
So great is their concern for me that they have come skulking up to my estate, leaving offerings of food, sweets, alcohol, anything they can think of to raise my spirits. Peasants that they are, they do not understand what a naturally aristocratic mind needs to become once again engaged with the world around him – NOVELTY.
I NEED to see, taste, and experience novelty like a lesser man needs air, shelter, and water. I must climb new mountains to see sun in different light. No paltry gift left on stoop will ever bring LIFE into me, not in the way visiting ruins in middle of jungle after days trekking.
Recently, I decide to visit one of my many enterprises here in United States to see if there was some business-related problem that could distract me from my doldrum existence wandering room to room in house. What I saw there revolted me in way I could not describe.
Many months had passed since last person entered office, turning out lights in apt metaphor for the world in this forsaken year. Thick layers of dust coated every surface, but the mess was not the issue.
The furniture, it disgusted me. Entering premises after months of disuse allowed me to see the décor of office in new and unpleasant way. The furnishings of office were as tired and energy deprived as I was, and I could not believe I had subjected even brutish American employees to such sapping accoutrements.
I began throwing desks, chairs, cubicle walls into parking lot. Soon, I had pile that took up most of lot, the rest quickly filling with distressed employees, begging me not to do anything rash. One of them called fire department, expecting me to set the whole of it alight.
Calling them the fools that they were, I simply donated the lot of it. A man with ties to ancient past knows not to pollute nature with the toxic fumes that modern furniture would no doubt spew upon burning. Plus, I know value of pre-used furniture.
To replace offending fixtures, I called old friends at Creative Office Designs up in Los Angeles. Despite the hour-long drive, I trust no one else in this country to provide me with office furniture. I will be touring their show rooms in the near future, and I have assured them that my eye is very discerning.
If you, like me, need new office furniture, be sure to give them call. They deserve the business, and your loyalty.
5230 Pacific Concourse Dr #105, Los Angeles, CA 90045