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Marriage Advice

Marriage Advice

Recently, a friend asked me when it is right time to get married in relationship. I ask him if he wanted to hear true answer, or cute answer. “Truth, please,” he said to me in infuriating American accent.

True answer was: do not get married. Love exist regardless of state involvement, and all state does is add extra pressure to squash love that might make it through challenging times. I’ve seen it many times: state incentivise divorce for some parties rather than punish couples who are too weak to follow through on commitments.

For many in America, they are too foolish to see the wisdom in such advice. They marry on whim and get divorced just as capriciously. For those of you who find yourselves on same path as fool, two things: 

1. Take deep look at self and wonder, ‘why,’ and 

2. Look into mediation rather than divorce court, it will twist soul and gonads somewhat less than regular court route. If you live in the southern California area, look into McNamee Mediations, who I have heard mentioned many times by business associates and employees.

Quick look through testimonials provides proof of quality:

As a financial planner, I see my clients go through a number of changes in their lives and sometimes it includes a separation/divorce. Mediation is the far better option when dissolving a marriage as it puts a lot less strain not only on the finances but also the emotions of everyone involved. This is where Colleen McNamee stands out. As an attorney-mediator, she is extremely knowledgeable in her field, has two decades of experience, but also truly cares about her clients. Something that cannot be taught in law school is the gift of empathy and caring for others, which translates into achieving fair and equitable results for couples. Thanks to her very strong skill set and the services she’s able to offer, she remains a neutral counsel to both parties throughout the process, and the Agreements she drafts are far superior to any other divorce mediator I have seen! My clients have come out feeling like they were treated fairly, received their equitable shares, and can now move forward with their lives onto their next chapters.

Katerina Hencova – Google Review
Read Andrea P.‘s review of McNamee Mediations on Yelp

I have known Colleen McNamee for over two years and I love how she handles people who are having marriage problems. She is always interested in what is best for everyone involved, especially for any children. Sometimes, it’s a “marriage contract” that she draws up to help people stay together amicably instead of getting a divorce. If divorce is the only option, then unlike a contentious court divorce with attorneys pitting spouses against each other in public and draining the couple’s bank accounts, Colleen can get couples working together for the best solution, at far lower cost, and it’s a private matter. I highly recommend her services, and so do people who have gotten divorces through her because they often talk about how she made it so much less stressful than a courtroom divorce.

Gregg Hill – Google Review

If marriage is too hard for your piggish American brain, look into McNamee Mediations. They’ll do their best to leave soul unsundered.

McNamee Mediations

+19492233836

4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660

Pastries For A Broken Heart

Ten years ago, I fell in love with the love of my life. We built a beautiful life together for which I am grateful. However, that chapter has come to an end.

We are no longer married, and I am no longer living in France. I find myself wondering if I’d ever be able to live there again. I don’t know if I will be able to walk through the streets without thinking of her and the devastating divorce we went through. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to our favorite patisserie without reminiscing about all the beautiful moments we will no longer share together.

My heart is completely shattered and I am unable to find peace with the past or contemplate certainty about the future. All I know is that I still love her and that I miss waking up with her in beautiful Bordeaux. I have left behind everything I loved in France, from people to pastries. My favorite pastry is the paris-brest. It is a decadent cream sandwiched in a perfectly light and delicate pastry. If I was still living in France I would probably be eating one of these per day as comfort.

Unfortunately, staying put didn’t seem like the easiest option. I lost my home in the divorce. Although I could have looked for a new house there, I moved to the U.S. to leave my comfort zone instead of retreating into sorrow. New beginnings are usually pretty exciting, but not after something you cherished and committed to for a decade falls apart. Even though it was my choice to leave France and move here, I feel like I lost my entire life as a result of this divorce. I am rebuilding my life and rediscovering my purpose, all from scratch. 

When I told her that I didn’t want either of us to be angry, she apparently took that as a challenge to see who would be the winner-takes-all. I hoped, nearly begged, for amicable separation and what I got in return was what felt like vengeance against the fact that we found ourselves in a partnership that was simply not meant to last. I had come to terms with the fact that our incompatibility wasn’t the fault of either one of us, but she seemed to think that the failure of our marriage was my fault. After a seemingly endless amount of back-and-forth, I realized that prolonging the process was only going to hurt me even more. So I let her win. I didn’t want to win any argument, and I didn’t want to keep anything she felt entitled to. 

It wasn’t until I moved here that I learned about divorce mediation. If we had chosen that option instead, everything would have been less painful to endure, and we might have avoided the escalating arguments during the proceedings. If I ever get married again, and God forbid, end up in another divorce, I will certainly choose the route of hiring a divorce mediator.

As I’ve been grieving my marriage which has ended, I have come across an established mediator. I am including their information below for anyone who wishes to explore this option. McNamee Mediations would be my first call.

McNamee Mediations
4590 MacArthur Blvd Suite 500, Newport Beach, CA 92660, USA