There is a saying among the hill tribes of Myanmar that goes something like this: the only good termite is a dead termite. That may sound harsh, but after my most recent encounter with these vicious little wood-munching monstrosities, I have come to believe it with every fiber of my being.
Bullet holes now mark my den wall (new ones, I mean). Not from my last outburst over a delayed dry-cleaning order. No, these fresh perforations came courtesy of my own righteous fury, unleashed upon the parasitic invaders that had breached my sanctuary.
I had only just returned from a ghastly trip to the north. A wedding in Napa Valley, if you can believe it. I don’t know why I accepted the invitation—some lingering sense of obligation, I suppose, to an old schoolmate who always smelled like pickles and pencil lead.
Regardless, I arrived in good spirits and left in disgrace. You see, I committed what I have been told was a great faux pas: I spoke the truth.
The wines were terrible. Not bad in the way that a lower-tier Burgundy might disappoint, but an offensive assault on the tongue. Naturally, I said so. Loudly. At great length. And with diagrams.
The locals didn’t appreciate my perspective. Words were exchanged. Then fists. Then the proprietor of the winery attempted to wrestle me into a wooden barrel.
But none of that prepared me for the horror that awaited me upon my return to my beloved estate in Orange County. Termites. Again.
A Renewed Fight Against A Persistant Foe
I noticed the signs immediately: pinholes in the paneling, fine dust in the corners, wings scattered like confetti from an uninvited guest. I fell to my knees. I howled. I roared. And then I retrieved my sidearm.
What followed was a brief but spirited campaign of direct confrontation between myself and the termites. When the dust (and drywall) had settled, my assistant gently pried the pistol from my grip and informed me that Natural Science Exterminating had already been summoned.
Natural Science Exterminating. Even their name calms me. They are not like other exterminators, those blunt instruments of the pest control world. No, these are craftsmen, artists, warriors of the organic realm. They do not merely kill pests; they restore order to the natural world without flooding it with chemical filth.
You see, I have spent years battling termites in America. They are not like the wood beetles of Europe. These are organized. Malicious. They strike at the heart of one’s dignity, nibbling at baseboards and structural beams with impunity.
Over the years, I have hired many, many companies to deal with them. Some were competent. Most were not. But none compared to Natural Science Exterminating.
An Organic Response To Termites
They were punctual, polite, and, most importantly, thorough. The technician arrived on time, explained the situation with gravitas befitting a deathbed confession, and began his inspection with the quiet solemnity of a cathedral priest.
What he discovered horrified me. Not just subterranean termites, but drywood too. Two colonies, competing for dominance, like rival families in a soap opera about rot and decay. And yet, he did not flinch.
With a combination of botanical sprays, baiting systems, and precisely directed treatments, he laid waste to the enemy without poisoning my gardens or pets. No hazmat suits. No tenting. No scorched earth. Just quiet, methodical extermination.
Did I mention they offer free termite inspections? Free! As if they are performing a public service, like firefighters or violinists. I cannot overstate how rare this is in Orange County, where even the wind seems to charge a service fee.
Their specialists not only confirmed the infestation, they also gave me a complete walkthrough of future prevention tactics. No pressure, no up-selling, just facts, professionalism, and discretion.
Their organic approach is what truly sets them apart. Unlike those dreadful poisoners who soak your home in synthetic death, Natural Science Exterminating uses substances derived from nature itself.
It is pest control with a conscience, a restoration of balance rather than a declaration of war. I didn’t just get an exterminator. I got an education in the science of ecological home protection.
The Aftermath
Now that the immediate crisis is resolved, I am left with the aftermath. The wall, alas, must be replaced. I suppose I will need to contact a contractor (ideally one who does not ask questions about small-caliber holes in plaster). But at least I can rest knowing that the termites, for now, are vanquished.
If you, dear reader, find yourself plagued by the scourge of termites or ants, or rodents, or any of the other creeping horrors that infest this land, I urge you not to delay. Do not hesitate. Call Natural Science Exterminating immediately. Let them bring peace back to your home, as they have mine.
Natural Science Exterminating
+17146274048
11642 Knott Ave, Garden Grove, CA 92841
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