exterminator Archives - If It Can't Be France

It is 4:30 in the morning, with first lightening of sky off in the east, behind mountains. I sit here, sipping fourth coffee since midnight, cigarette in hand, listening to Rachmaninoff Prelude in C Sharp Minor, staring at wall, oftentimes slipping into mindless stupor.

I am cursed. Many times along my many travels, I believe I have run into powerful and vindictive WITCH, many of whom I have angered after tumultuous TRYST.

I take drag on cigarette, but as I breathe in I can once again hear it – the scurrying, the scratching of tiny legs walking within walls, of tiny mandibles chewing up structure of house. Chewing until it all comes crashing down on my head, my body only being discovered days later in rubble having choked to death on shoddy American fiberglass insulation.

I am being hounded by witch’s curse, is only explanation. Curse of pestilence, of beasts following me and burrowing into house and enterprise. Yes, once again my property has become infested, but this time it is no office space – it is my home. I have not slept in many days.

I think back now, on the many women, their faces invade thoughts unbidden, the snakelike and reptilian among them revealing themselves now to be nefarious and capable of black magic. The walls…I have blown holes in many of them with firearms, but through them I can see the pests, and they laugh at me.

My assistants have tried to come many times to break me from my stupor, to tell me termite inspectors are on the way…but I know they are in on it. They cannot fool me with their promises of a quick tenting…though the thought of eliminating more of these beasts pleases me greatly.

The name they mentioned…Grand Oaks Termite Control…in my more lucid moments I looked them up. They come highly recommended, as their Yelp reviews can attest;

I highly recommended Grand Oaks Termite Control. I had an unusual situation where there were many areas of my wood paneling and roof that were affected by termites and wood rot. I have a decorative tree growing through the front part of my home which makes it very difficult to treat without damaging the tree. When Jason came for the preliminary inspection, he knew exactly how to effectively treat my home without harming my favorite tree. His estimate was very reasonable and his communication was top notch. He kept me appraised of all the curve balls and never stuck me with any unexpected cost. I was very impressed with the workmanship of his teammate Gary who took care of all the woodwork, a true craftsman.
I can wholeheartedly recommend Grand Oaks without any hesitation.
John B., Yelp Review

I was impressed with Grand Oaks Termite Control throughout the entire process of working with them. I requested a quote and asked a question through yelp and they immediately answered. I was able to schedule a free inspection shortly after. When Justin and Gary came to inspect my house, they were kind and courteous. I was ready to provide them shoe coverings and lay out an old sheet over my newly cleaned carpet, but they already had all that covered. They gave an honest and thorough inspection and answered any questions we had. They ended up treating our home for subterranean termites, and also did some localized treatments and wood repair. They extremely take pride in their work and did not rush at any moment of the process. What you get with this company is quality of work and great customer service. I would 100% use this company again in the future and recommend to anyone who needs termite work done.
Janine D., Yelp Review

If they can destroy this most recent manifestation of the curse, I may be temporarily reprieved. Though, I know, the pestilence will return…to truly be rid of this curse, I must find the one who set it upon me…I must prepare.

If you are looking for termite treatment for your home, give Grand Oaks Termite Control a call. They may be able to help you break free of your own curse of pestilence:

Grand Oaks Termite Control

+16265384156

110 S Worthy Dr, Glendora, CA 91741

Bonjour mon amis and welcome back to my great exhortation to Dionysus, god of wine, fertility, and madness. I am not supposed to tell you this, but I have just returned from trip to Greece and Ionia, where followers of Dionysian Mysteries still reside, and spirit of old Greek gods may still be accessed if you know where to look…

But my head, it is still fogged by the revelries and wine, so I speak too much and too plainly. The mysteries may only be revealed to those who partake in the ritualistic madness that the god is associated with, so maybe it is not so good an idea to spread these talks.

Upon returning, it was revealed that, once again my commercial enterprises have been beset by a plague of the infuriating six legged BEASTS that seem to crawl under every inch of this besotted land! It is as if they await my departure before nesting in my property, as the devils know that my sharp eyes would catch them even in dead of night.

The madness of the festivities could never match the red hot FURY that overcame me at learning of this most recent affront. I smashed my desk with my bare hands as the assistants fled for safety. They know that my passion cannot be contained, and so they retreat to the designated safe room and listen to my animalistic howling and the sounds my great and powerful CHIMPING OUT.

Once calmed and coaxed out of freshly destroyed office with fine Turkish coffee and promises of eternal fealty, I began process of rebuilding. I have separate storage space for replacement furnishings for those destroyed during moments of Dionysian-inspired passion, but the termite problem would require outside help.

For this I once again turned to my great friends at Grand Oaks Termite Control, who I have called many times since my move to western coast. There was a time where they did not return my phone calls after seeing one such fit of godly rage, but my fine subordinates were able to sooth their scarred employees as well. There is reason I continue to bear my employees’ normally insufferable American natures – I only hire the best of their kind.

After a brief inspection, they assured me that the infestation was light and could be easily taken care of without need to change my normal operations. This news overjoyed me – the recent trip had devastated not just my body and soul, but my finances as well.

Within the week, my friends had cleared out the menace and the energy of the office immediately became once again uplifting, the clouds over my head evaporated, letting the sun shine on me and produce vitality and strengthen muscles. My employees visibly relaxed, and the alert status posted at front door was turned down once again to normal level of merely ‘elevated’ rather than ‘imminent’.

If you are like me and are in desperate need of termite infestation control in Pasadena and surrounding areas, give my friends at Grand Oaks a call. Do not mention my name.

Grand Oaks Termite Control

(626) 538-4156

110 S Worthy Dr Glendora, CA 91741

Tag Archives: exterminator

The Curse

Return Of The Six-Legged Menace